I love my children. There's no limit to that love, no "but", no "if only". I just love them with every fibre of my soul. It was automatic, uncontrollable from the moment I knew they were on their way.
I realized something this past year. I realized that in being their mother for thirty years, I lost sight of being me. My curiousity for the world was satisfied by Aimee's hunger for experience when she went to Thailand and travelled in east Asia. My passion for horses was calmed by Samantha's commitment and skill at riding. My love for animals was nurtured by Laurie's very soft heart and vast knowledge of animal facts. And my music ability was mirrored and surpassed by Thea's piano playing. I let go of me to celebrate all their strengths.
I'm here at middle age having little idea of who I am without seeing my girls in my reflection. So this is my year to discover the little bits of me that I have lost sight of.
What kind of music do I like?
What is my favourite colour?
Do I want to do a mini-triathlon?
Do I want to get a manicure occasionally?
Where do I want to live when I am done providing a home?
What books are on my list to read?
What accomplishments do I hope to achieve to leave the world a little better off because of my effort, no matter how small and insignificant?
I've driven girls to pony club events all over the province, soccer games, volleyball, piano lessons. I've cheered and cried, went without sleep, fretted and worried, prayed and hoped, all in the name of motherhood.
But ... I guess there is a but afterall, or maybe it's an epilogue. It's my turn. It's my turn to find happiness wherever and however I choose to. It's my turn to imagine the possibilities for me and to grab hold of something that fuels my passion and my energy. It's my turn to be me. A whole me. I'd like to get to know her. I think I might like her.
by W A Stewart, January 7, 2010
I realized something this past year. I realized that in being their mother for thirty years, I lost sight of being me. My curiousity for the world was satisfied by Aimee's hunger for experience when she went to Thailand and travelled in east Asia. My passion for horses was calmed by Samantha's commitment and skill at riding. My love for animals was nurtured by Laurie's very soft heart and vast knowledge of animal facts. And my music ability was mirrored and surpassed by Thea's piano playing. I let go of me to celebrate all their strengths.
I'm here at middle age having little idea of who I am without seeing my girls in my reflection. So this is my year to discover the little bits of me that I have lost sight of.
What kind of music do I like?
What is my favourite colour?
Do I want to do a mini-triathlon?
Do I want to get a manicure occasionally?
Where do I want to live when I am done providing a home?
What books are on my list to read?
What accomplishments do I hope to achieve to leave the world a little better off because of my effort, no matter how small and insignificant?
I've driven girls to pony club events all over the province, soccer games, volleyball, piano lessons. I've cheered and cried, went without sleep, fretted and worried, prayed and hoped, all in the name of motherhood.
But ... I guess there is a but afterall, or maybe it's an epilogue. It's my turn. It's my turn to find happiness wherever and however I choose to. It's my turn to imagine the possibilities for me and to grab hold of something that fuels my passion and my energy. It's my turn to be me. A whole me. I'd like to get to know her. I think I might like her.
by W A Stewart, January 7, 2010
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